There are few things as painful as watching our kids get left out. This pain only multiplies when they actually feel the sting of not being invited to something. It can be absolutely devastating, and you’re left wondering why this has happened. The question is, what can you do when your child is not invited to something, and is heartbroken as a result?
First, don’t ask the host why your child was left out
As much as you may want to know the answer, it is not your place to question why your child wasn’t invited. It’s the fastest way parents can end up in fights, and the children will suffer the brunt of the fallout. Instead, turn your attention to your child.
Ask your child how they feel
The reality is, your child might not really care whether or not they were invited to something. It might in fact be you that feels your child should have been included. Your goal is to make sure they are happy, and to that end it’s important not to let your own feelings influence theirs.
Therefore, if there is an event that they have learned they were not invited to, you could simply ask them how it makes them feel. Allow your child to share all of their thoughts related to being left out. Once you get a better idea of where their emotions are at, you’ll be better equipped for what to do next.
If they are hurting, help them to cope
Is there an activity you can do, or an event you can go to that will help them have fun, and get their mind off of what they weren’t invited to? If so, it might be a good idea to do that. If you can bring family members or some friends for them to hang out with, even better.
One thing you need to know however, is that your child may be hesitant to engage in an alternative activity. They might need time to process the fact that their friends are doing something they can not to. It may help to tell them how you have felt when you have been left out of something, and what you did to handle it.
Be careful not to overly praise them for being good during this time
The unfortunate truth is praising them while they are hurting about being left out can backfire. For example, if you tell them they are such a wonderful child, they could quip back with, “Then why wasn’t I invited?” Sadly, you might not be able to answer that question, and that could cause a spiral of negative emotions.
The good news is, for the most part children don’t hold grudges the way that adults do. The simple fact is there are dozens of reasons why a child could be left off the guest list for birthday parties, sleepovers, field trips, and other activities. The best thing you can do is be there for your children, and help them deal with it if they are sad over being left out of something.