Dating… It’s a subject few parents want to talk about with their children.The idea of our kids being old enough to have their first crush is one thing, but dating is an entirely different beast. Add to that the fact that dating in 2018 is very different from when we were younger, and you might just want to lock your kids up and never let them out.
Of course, that’s not an option no matter how much we may want it to be. Therefore, below you’ll find some advice for talking to your children about dating. Stay calm, and know, that you will get through this!
Define dating
The truth is middle schoolers that are simply texting each other, and seeing one another at school sometimes call it “dating.” This is obviously very different from a date involving two people going out by themselves. For some parents, the age they allow their kids to start dating unchaperoned is when they turn 16, for others it’s as early as 13 or 14.
It is up to you to decide what age you think is best for your child to begin dating someone, and don’t feel pressured to change your opinion. You are the adult here after all. If you want to allow group dating and chaperoned dating, but don’t want your kids alone with someone, that’s your call.
Be inquisitive, but not overbearing
It’s perfectly natural to have lots of questions for your children if they bring up the idea of going on their first date. You can ask your child anything you want to, but be mindful to not go overboard. It’s important to make sure that they know you trust them until they break that trust. And, being the parent giving the third degree from the get-go is not exactly showing trust.
At the same time, you are going to need to ask some questions your children might not want to answer. Your questions might include:
- How old the person they want to date is
- Who their friends are
- Where they met this person they want to date
- If you can meet them before deciding if they can date
Don’t make it only about sex
A common mistake parents make when talking to their children about dating for the first time, is making the entire conversation about sex. First off, your kids might not even be thinking about sex at this moment. You don’t want to scare them into thinking sex is dirty, or wrong, or that the only thing related to dating is sex. Instead, let your child guide you through the talk so you can figure out what their real intentions are. Then, you can take the conversation from there.
Do set ground rules and boundaries
Without being harsh or too strict, explain what your expectations are for your children on their first dates. For example, if you don’t want them being unchaperoned, you need to make it clear that you will be going on the date with them.
In some cases, you might feel the urge to monitor their texts and social media profiles. I would caution to only do this if they break your trust, or if you feel like something warrants this.
You may also want to set boundaries about where they are allowed to go, and how long they are allowed to hang out with their date.
Explain what a healthy relationship is
Finally, discuss with your children what you feel defines a healthy relationship. Make them aware of signs of unhealthy and violent relationships. This is not to scare them, but it is to make sure they are mindful of things the might not realize right now.
These conversations may be incredibly difficult to have, but your best bet is to build a relationship that is as healthy as possible with your child, so they feel like they can approach you. It’s imperative that you listen, and be supportive, but also don’t let yourself forget that you are the parent.