Your spouse, family, friends, or even strangers may question how you go about raising your child or children. As a mother, there are many parenting decisions that you will have to make, and there is not a single book out there that addresses everything you may face while child-rearing. Some people may criticize your choices, and the suggestions or advice may not be helpful. Some of this advice and criticism has resulted in the unfortunate trend of mom-shaming. But what is it exactly, why do we do it, and how do we deal with mom-shaming?
What is Mom-Shaming?
There are several definitions out there, but essentially it’s the bullying of a mom, typically by other moms, for their parenting choices. This is sometimes done in subtle ways, but not always. It happens face-to-face, in chat forums, and on social media.
Why People Mom-Shame
Believe it or not, there are several reasons people mom-shame. They include, but aren’t limited to:
- Boredom: Parenting can be boring, and an argument about something like why and how moms should or should not breastfeed their children spices things up.
- Anger: When a parent is mad at their kids, they sometimes will deflect that anger at other people to avoid dealing with the real issues they are having.
- Jealousy: This is a big one for some parents. When it seems like another mom has it easy, or makes more money, or that their children are better behaved, it’s easy to judge them and shame their choices so they feel better about themselves.
- Guilt: Some parents mom shame because they feel like they are not giving their children enough. Guilt can do funny things to a person!
How You Can Cope with Mom Shaming
How you deal with it, honestly depends on the person doing the mom-shaming, and how they are going about it. The first thing you can do is take a moment and ask yourself if what is being said is true. Cut through the hurt feelings, and simply reflect on whether or not you agree with the bully. If you do, you can make a change. If you don’t, you can move forward more confidently in your parenting choices.
Second, if it’s on social media you can unfollow, unfriend, block and delete comments. Though you may be tempted to engage people, unless it’s family members and close friends, it’s honestly not worth the effort.
However, in the event it is family and friends doing the mom-shaming, you have the right to call them out on it. Tell them that you don’t appreciate the words and comments and that you would prefer they stop. If they continue, it’s on them, and you still have the right to excuse yourself from the conversation and even from the room. Just because someone is a friend or family member doesn’t mean you have to allow them or anyone to bully you.
Finally, remember that regardless of who is saying what about your parenting decisions, you ultimately know what is best for your children and your family. No one has to agree with you provided you aren’t breaking any laws or causing harm to others. So stand tall, dismiss the mom bullies, and take care of your kids. How you do it, is nobody’s business but your own.