Raising kids is hard work sometimes. There’s just no question about it. And one of the things that is most difficult is getting your kids to open up and talk to you as they get older. There are some things you can do to help, though, if you’re willing.
The first and most important thing you can do is be honest, open, and upfront with them. You can’t expect your kids to open up to you if you’re not willing to do the same with them. This doesn’t mean you have to give them every detail of your intimate life, just as it doesn’t mean they need to do the same with you. However, it does mean discussing things that go on in the home that have an impact on the whole family, and expecting them to be forthcoming as well.
For example, if you and your spouse are considering having another child, that is something that will affect the family just as much as if one of your children decides to do the same while still living with you at home. If you don’t include them in such discussions, how can you expect them to include you in talks about things going on in their lives?
Be There for Them
Another thing you can do is be there for and with them as they age. Or to put it another way, don’t let a rift develop between you and your kids just because it’s “expected” of teenagers. Though it might seem like such a thing is inevitable, it actually doesn’t have to be. A lot of kids stay close with their parents all through their teen years and on into adulthood.
The best way to stay close to your kids is to talk with them, as opposed to at them, and by doing things with them. For example, instead of telling them to do laundry, yard work or any other of the myriad of other chores that need to be done – why not do it with them and use it as an opportunity to engage. Maybe toss a ball or Frisbee around with the kids, wash the car, or go fishing. The point is, you need to maintain a relationship with your kids that consists of more than them doing whatever they want and getting yelled at when they cross a line.
Develop a Baseline
To get your kids to open up to you, there has to be some sort of friendly relationship as a baseline first. You and your kids need to talk about what is on your mind, or their mind, consistently, just as you would in any other type of relationship.
Finally, to get your kids to open up to you, you have to be willing to withhold judgment on the things they say. If your kids feel like you’re going to be too opinionated or talk down to them for their feelings, then they are going to lose interest in talking with you. Keep the lines of communication positive, and open, and you’ll enjoy knowing more about what is going on in their lives – the result most parents are looking for.
Hammond Psychology and Associates is the go-to resource for residents seeking psychological evaluations from a licensed psychologist in the Tampa Bay area. Click here to learn more about our Psychological Testing services in our Brandon location.