Admittedly, it’s one of those topics we never want to discuss – Cancer. It’s a terrible, sometimes deadly class of diseases that not only affects the person who has it, but also those that are closest to them. Discussing the topic of cancer is never easy, but it seems to be that much harder when it comes to talking to our children about it. If you’re being faced with the unfortunate reality of needing to discuss cancer with your children, hopefully the tips below will help you get through the conversation.
Prepare to tell them the facts
As much as we don’t like to admit it, our children are a lot more intuitive than we may realize. It’s therefore necessary to tell the children exactly what is going on, because to keep something from them could only make things worse. Of course, you don’t need to be blunt or graphic with them. However, it is imperative that you be open and honest with them from the beginning.
As hard as it may be, you must stay calm, and do your best to refrain from being sad while discussing the topic with them. Children often will mirror the feelings that you’re expressing. If you come to them while you’re overly emotional, it could exacerbate how they feel about the situation.
One thing that may help you to squelch your emotions just long enough to have this discussion, is to review everything you’re going to say ahead of time, as well as how you’re going to say it. Having the entire discussion in your mind, or practicing with another family member before you have it with the child, could help you be more comfortable with the things that you’re about to say.
Sit them down, and begin the conversation as pleasantly as possible
Let the child know that you want to discuss something important with them, and then lay out everything that you had planned to tell them. Be sure to take pauses to let them ask questions, and be frank, but again not harsh or blunt about the situation. If the person who has cancer is being given medicine, or treatments, let the child know. It’s also imperative that you tell the child that the person who is sick is not contagious, so they won’t be afraid to go around that individual.
If they do have any questions that you don’t know the answer to, try to refrain from simply saying “I don’t know.” Instead, let them know that you’re not sure about the answer, but that you will work with them to find out.
Do your best to be as honest as possible in the entire exchange. There’s nothing worse than a child feeling as though you misled them, or lied to them outright.
If you’re lost as to what to say, here are some additional resources that may help you in this difficult topic:
- Telling Your Child About Cancer: Age-Appropriate Advice
- Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer: Dealing With Diagnosis
- Talking With Your Children About Cancer
- Helping Children When a Family Member Has Cancer
There may come a point where talking with your children about this topic isn’t enough. Should that occur, family counseling is available through Hammond Psychology & Associates, P.A. Give us a call at (813) 654-0503, so that we may be able to further assist you.