At some point, your children are going to want to leave home. Sleepovers, camping trips, spending time at a family member’s house – it’s coming whether you like it or not. How can you ease the anxiety of your child’s first time away from home? Read on for some ideas that may help.
First, decide what age you feel is the most appropriate time for them to spend the night somewhere else. This will be a decision only you can make. Even though your child may be persistent, or a family member insists it’s time, you are still the parent. It’s up to you to determine when they can spend the night away.
Second, discuss it openly with your child. Are they really ready to sleep away? Talk to them about how they feel about not having their parent close by. Assess their comfort level before committing to anything.
Try a test with someone you trust first. If your child wants to attend a sleepover with friends or go to a camp far away from home, you’ll want to do a trial run, or several trials ahead of time. How they manage that first night will tell you a lot about whether or not they are really ready for a longer stay away, or staying in a strange place.
Send them with many of their comforts of home. For example, if they can only sleep with a teddy bear, don’t send them away without it. Tell the person they are staying with if your child has any quirks or things they need to know about such as sleepwalking, night terrors, or even needing a glass of warm milk before bed.
Expect that you may have to leave in the middle of the night to go pick them up as well. Be awake and ready for it. For many children, the first try at being away is too overwhelming. You may need many attempts before they feel comfortable enough to last an entire night away.
Praise them once they finally make it through an entire night without you. This is a big deal for them, and puts them one step closer to independence. Let them know you are proud of them for being able to handle it.
By the way, try not to show sadness if they are just fine without you. It’s common for some parents to feel upset if their child can leave for a night with no trouble at all. The “they don’t need me” feelings can cause unexpected anxiety. Instead of focusing on the fact that they are “just fine without you,” try to focus on the fact that you have done a great job rearing them. Be proud that your child is confident and feels secure to try new things on their own.