As parents, we sometimes lead a very hectic life. We run here and there, making sure everything is taken care of, all while working a full-time job. In all of this craziness, it’s important that we take a step back and check in with our children’s feelings.
Of course, we remember that our children have feelings, but when it comes down to it, do we really remember what it was like to be a child? Are we telling our children how to feel, or are we letting them truly explore and express how they feel about any given situation?
When we start forgetting that our children, especially young children, and teenagers, are still trying to figure out all the things that are going on in their world, we set them up to fail when we assume how they are feeling. Even worse is when we try to direct their feelings, or project our feelings onto them about things, rather than allowing them to explore their own thoughts.
For example, if something traumatic happens like death or divorce, each child is going to deal with it in a different way. Each child is going to need understanding and reassurance that everything is going to be ok even though things have changed. They also must be given the space to explore their reaction, and a safe space to discuss what they feel about what has happened.
When we start assuming that we know what they are feeling and set expectations for how they need to deal with things – this is when we lose in our job as a parent.
Another important thing to remember about our children’s feelings is that they are kids. They are not going to see things the way an adult might. Even an older child nearing adulthood is going to have their own views and understandings that may be different than anyone else.
When our children have a problem with something, we must make it clear that it’s okay to discuss it, and share their thoughts. It’s important to refrain from judgment and not act as though some conversations are off-limits. To do this is to prevent your child from feeling they can come to you, and that can lead to things like broken relationships, feelings of betrayal, further pain, hostility, and a whole host of behavioral issues.
Remembering your children have feelings is not about how you feel or how you think a child should feel; it’s about talking to that child and actually getting to the core of what they think. If you take nothing else from this post, please take this: Children have the right to their feelings no matter if they are the same as different then how we as adults feel. It is up to us to check in with our children and make sure we really know how they are feeling and give them the ability to share how they feel and why.
Hammond Psychology and Associates is the go-to resource for residents seeking psychological evaluations from a licensed psychologist in the Tampa Bay area. Click here to learn more about our Psychological Testing services in our Brandon location.