Perhaps it’s because of back to school, or maybe it’s because of the recent National Rainbow Baby Day, but there has been a significant uptick in the number of articles and blog posts coming out about miscarriages lately. One thing that has been bothering me is the responses and comments of some people in relation to these stories on social media.
The reality is you will never understand what it’s like to have a miscarriage unless you have experienced one, and even the most well-meaning people say the wrong things when someone they know has one. There is nothing that can eliminate the emotions that sometimes range from pain to guilt that accompanies having a miscarriage. With that in mind, here are 5 things you should never say to someone who has had a miscarriage.
- 25% of Pregnant Women Miscarry
Regardless of how true any statistic is, someone who has just miscarried doesn’t want to hear statistics. In this case, it’s better to keep your numbers to yourself, because the only number that matters to them is one – their one unborn child they have now lost.
- I Had a Friend Who Had Three Miscarriages but Now Has a Huge Family
While you mean well, and you want to give your loved one hope, this is the wrong time for a statement like this. A woman facing the immediate aftermath of a miscarriage needs time to adjust, mourn, accept, and simply deal with what has happened before even thinking about trying again.
- At Least You Still Have Time to Become Pregnant
This might seem like the right thing to say, but you don’t actually know if it’s true. When we don’t know the circumstances of how someone has even come to be pregnant, a statement like this can cut even deeper in their already painful wounds.
- Everything Happens for a Reason
No one who has suffered a loss ever wants to hear this. In the moments, days, weeks, months, and sometimes years after a loss, there is no justifiable reason for there loss. Period.
- Did You Get Checked for…?
There is already guilt and shame associated with miscarriage for some women. A statement like this adds to the feeling they already may be having about how it could have been their fault.
Final Thoughts
There really isn’t any good thing you can say to a woman who has miscarried. Instead, it’s better to just give them time, and let them tell you how they feel, and what their doctors have told them if and when they choose to. Be there for them, and listen to them, but don’t say anything other than maybe “I’m sorry.” After all, in a time of loss, just being there says more about how much you care for them than any phrase you may try to muster up.