If you have children and have divorced/ separated from your spouse/partner you must now decide how to co-parent your children. The idea of doing this with a positive attitude may feel next to impossible, but for the sake of your children it is time to step up and be the adults here. It’s time to let go of whatever caused the separation or divorce and focus on positively co-parenting with your ex. Here are some ideas and tips to keep it civil:
Click here to read about how to cope with divorce for adults.
Act respectful towards your ex. The last thing you want is for your kid(s) to be caught in the middle of a disagreement. Don’t make them the messenger and don’t pit them against the other parent. Speak about the other parent respectfully when around your kids and if necessary vent and unleash your anger elsewhere. This could mean you need a counselor or just some friends to talk to, but don’t use your kids as the sponge for your feelings.
If there was a custody decision made by a judge, do your best to abide by it. If not, create a custody plan and stick to it. If a judge has made the custody decision things are somewhat easier as long as you follow the rules. Don’t make it messy by trying to go against orders because this can land you in court again making things even harder on your kids.
If you didn’t go to court and are trying to come up with the best way to share custody set up a meeting with your ex and approach the subject with a business mindset- rational and unemotional. Be honest with each other about what both of you want and then compromise and agree to fair terms. Unfortunately, this sometimes won’t work and you will end up needing some kind of legal mediation anyway, but try to work things out on your own first to sway from any further animosity towards each other.
Also check out how to cope with divorce for kids.
Make sure you are both involved in the child’s life as much as possible. Sure, this can make for some awkward school plays and uncomfortable soccer matches, but no one said you and your ex had to sit together. Again, this is one of those times you need to approach the situation as an adult. If it helps, think about what your child is feeling. They most likely just want both parents there for an event and they don’t want any fighting. Keep it clean and friendly for them, if nothing else.
Keep an open line of communication and try to be as fair as possible. Don’t assume your husband can take the kids just because you want a girl’s weekend and he’ll automatically swap with you. If you agree to an arrangement you can’t just switch things when they are convenient for you. Instead, talk about it and come to the best conclusion possible. By communicating instead of assuming and throwing anger around you might just pull this co-parenting thing off better than before the separation.
Need further assistance with co-parenting with your ex? Call Hammond Psychology & Associates, P.A. at (813) 654-0503.